June 2000 Update to How Much Time Should I Give Him?

Dear Dr Irene -

My name is Linda and this is a follow-up to an email posted in your earlier archives (#'s 31-60 Sept. 26, 1999 - "How Much Time Should I Give Him?").

After 10 months of separation, and several hours of counseling and soul searching (for both of us) - my husband has moved back home!  He fully acknowledges his abusive behavior and has expressed deep regret and understanding of all the hurt his actions have caused me!  He continues to attend an Abusive Men's Group and also we see that counselor together. Great!

I too have learned a lot about my inappropriate, and sometimes abusive reactions, and we are both working diligently to overcome these behaviors and begin on a new path for our marriage and our family. 

Your advise to "not judge" his position, or not make "big" decisions (divorce) - was valuable in my decision making process as time went on.

Thank you again - I pray for all the couples on this site - to grow in knowledge and understanding in order to have relationships based on mutual respect.

God Bless You - Lisa
And you too Lisa. Keep up the good work and don't relax - not for a while. You two are on track, but, you can't let your guard down. He is likely to take advantage, even if he does not want to. Stay with the program and my very best wishes to you both! Thanks for the update - and the good news! Dr. Irene