Update to If It Hurts, It Hurts For A Reason

Dr. Irene:

I just wanted to tell you that (once you are away from the abuse cycle), you really do start seeing things as they are.

My husband called me on Christmas day and asked for a reconciliation.  I couldn't believe my own words - I said, "no, all we do is hurt each other."

Even though I miss the illusion of his ability to love me, and the relationship I so wanted, I realize now that I, by the grace of God, am away from the spell of "it will be different."  It will not be different.

If it looks like a duck and it quacks like a duck - it IS A DUCK!

It really does get easier.  All that is required is a belief in yourself and your ability to take care of yourself.  Taking care of yourself means never letting anyone hurt you.  AND, yes you do know when that happens.  When caught in the trap you think you are not justified to be hurting but the grace comes when you realize that if you hurt, you hurt for a reason.

I am going on with my life and am starting to see that even though it is lonely, I am not beaten down and I am worth so much more than abuse:)   Noreen

Dear Noreen,

Good for you! You've discovered the secret: the duck who looks out for itself doesn't end up in orange sauce. Thank you for letting us know how you're doing.

Warmest regards, Dr. Irene