| January 10, 2000
Dear Dr. Irene,
Hi...I know you're getting lots of mail these days (which is testimony to
your grooovy site) so you may or may not remember the first letter I sent.
Here's a reminder: "Barbara, Trust
Thyself!" (Flattery will get you
everywhere!)
Anyway--I wanted to write and tell you that I finally did trust
myself and got out. The really sad thing is that the catalyst for it was
physical abuse. And that it took my friends, my family, and my co-workers
coaching me for a couple of weeks before I finally found it in myself to
just pack up my cat, myself, and a suitcase full of bills and just fly
home. The day I left, they kept telling me how brave I was--! But I never
could have done it without their help. It wasn't bravery. It was support
and love. Yes. That's what it's all about! Now I know why he never wanted me talking to
my "stupid, shallow, trashy, self-centered" friends and family
on the phone--because when I'm around them, I realize just how out of
control (and controlling) he is. *And* that the verbal abuse sprang from
the same place that the physical abuse did: that need to dominate--which
means that the verbal stuff was never acceptable, ever. Now I know I was
lying to myself when I would think of it as "not that bad," or
that "it will get better".
I still don't know what's going to happen. From what I've read this can be
the scariest and most dangerous part of the process, so I am freaking out. Don't freak out. One day at a time, one foot in front of
the other. And I miss him, too. I feel like a widow, because I know
that I will probably (and should) never talk to him again. It feels like
someone has died. And it feels like someone has been born, too. It's
really wonderful and really horrible at the same time. Yes! But isn't it more wonderful than more horrible?
Now I embark on the detox process (yuck). Double
Yukkk. But I wanted to tell you--finding your site, and writing to
you was the first step towards leaving. I joined "Ouuch!", too. Between the mail list and
the site, I found enough truth and sanity to keep me going, even when I
was way off-center and scared out of my mind. Muchos G!! And I will
keep reading. I'm hoping I don't have to go into some kind of witness
protection program type lifestyle to avoid him, but for now it's time to
worry about detoxing and re-stabilizing. And there are lots of resources
on your site for that--plus I enlisted the help of my old counselor. Good! Just wanted to say thank you and let you know
how much you helped! Barbara
Dear Barbara,
Good for you! Stop
doing, doing, doing; going, going, going. Stop and pay attention to the
little voice inside. It has all the answers.
Thanks for letting
us know where you are. Keep up the great work! Dr. Irene
Ps: Instead
of "scared," think "exciting!" |
