9/26/99
I once went to a High Conflict Divorce seminar, and
learned that there is not just one "model" or type of battering-
or abuse. We have a traditional concept of a cowering, helpless woman and
a domineering, beer-belching, torn t-shirt man. Judith Wallerstein
(sp?) gives some seven types, or models, of abusive interaction. One
example- some kinds of hitting is OK, but not others, like hitting when
the other is turned away. Mutual battering is another type. One-time
explosive battering is another. You summarize so neatly! Can you
relate Wallerstein's concepts to verbal abuse? This may assist some
readers, some who may think they are not in abusive situations because
they don't fit the traditional model.
On Wallerstein: I
am somewhat familiar with her research on divorce but was not aware
she came up with a typology of violence. I am very interested in looking
at this work. Would you happen to remember a reference?
ps: You installed
virus software which you update regularly, right? (heheheh)
9/27/00
The
1993 Meyer Elkin Essay Contest winner was titled "Parent-Child
Relationships in Domestic Violence Families Disputing Custody", by
Janet R. Johnson, Ph D. and Linda E.G. Campbell. (Not Judith
Wallerstien, as I thought, but that name brings up many great child
custody related sites, which see). They recognize the classic
batterer-victim relationship identified by Walker in 1984, (the
"battered woman syndrome" and cycle of violence) but found a range of
situations which do not fit that profile. They identify five basic
types of interparental violence among divorcing families disputing
custody. Those are 1)ongoing or episodic male battery, 2) female
initiated violence, 3) male controlling interactive violence, 4)
separation engendered or post-traumatic trauma, and 5) psychotic and
paranoid reactions. They specifically state "although emotional abuse
is often more pervasive and possibly more psychologically damaging than
physical abuse", it was not included in their definition of domestic
violence. Stalking behavior is included. They acknowledge that
emotional abuse usually precedes, accompanies, and follows the
cessation of physically violent incidents. They discuss each profile,
then describe the parental-child relationships. I can't find much on
the web, but would love to fax or mail you the copies I got at the
seminar. The descriptions of the children's behavior seems especially
important, for example, "children of 1) violent fathers who do not have
contact tend to repress bad memories and idealize the absent father."
They become more aggressive as they identify with him and value the
"lost object", and blame their mothers for the loss. More later. The
Lurking and Worming lawyer
A back issue with the Johnson--Campbell article can be purchased at
www.sagepub.com It's July 1993, Volume 31, No. 3 of the Family and
Conciliation Courts Review. I don't want to violate copyright laws, but
here's a sample I have paraphrased for brevity: Profile "B"- Female
initiated violence: The source of their violence is their own
intolerable internal states of tension. The women are seen as
histrionic, emotionally labile women, often dependent and
self-occupied. They were prone to explosive temper outbursts when they
felt their needs were unmet. They might throw objects, destroy
possessions, kick, hit or scratch their partner. They usually are
willing to admit their behavior. Husbands try to prevent the attacks or
restrain the attacker. Characteristically, these men were passive,
depressed, obsessive, and intimidated by the attacks and embarrassed at
being drawn into the fight. The women's relationships with their
children were erratic and unpredictable- loving and nurturing then
angry and explosive. Typically, young girls would become timid,
cringing and withdrawn......alternatively some girls assumed role
reversal, assuming parenting and household tasks. The girls tend to be
supported by a warm relationship with their father, who sees them as
the "good female" in comparison to his wife....In general, boys overtly
and openly were abusive with their mothers only to the extent that
their fathers were. Younger boys appeared to unable to separate
emotionally, simultaneously needy for her nurturance, covertly angry
with her inability to gratify their needs, and fearful for her anger
and rejection....Profile C: Male controlling interactive
violence-...domestic violence arose out of an escalating disagreement
between both spouses, shifting from mutual insults to verbal abuse to
violence. Either could initiate violence, but the defining feature was
the male's overriding response to assert control over the female by
physical dominance....not brutal beatings, the man exercises various
restraint depending on how much the female resisted his efforts to
control her. Physical aggression is an accepted way to resolve
conflicts, that is, it was EGOSYNTONIC. (?Explain please, Doc)...
Egosyntonic is behaving in ways you think
is OK for you to behave.
adults likely to get into physical confrontations with their children,
siblings, even their own parents. Aggressive behavior is rationalized,
much mutual blaming.... predominant responses in both boys and girls
was aggressiveness and passive-aggressiveness...parents were poor
models for ego control, modeling fighting rather than reason as means
of settling disputes. ...neither parent supports the other, rather they
openly sabotage each other...inconsistent and contradictory family
rules, many splits and alliances. Kids alliances shift from one parent
to the other, physically punitive child rearing practices were common,
as were physical fights between siblings. Older boys tend to resist
authority..... fathers tend to have peer-like associations with the
sons, which increased son's self esteem but gives son permission to act
aggressively to get what he wants, especially from mother and
sisters...Profile D: In separation- engendered and post divorce trauma,
violence is a uncharacteristic. Both men and women admit violent
outbursts and are embarrassed about their lack of self control, their
violence was EGO-DYSTONIC. (?Again, please, Doc!)
Egodystonic: behaving in ways that goes
against your grain.
I got the most from the descriptions of the children's behaviors,
explaining their reactions to the situations. There does not seem to be
a "bright line" between the effects of physical vs. verbal abuse, it's
a continuum of conduct.
10/5/00
You site research. From a clinician's
perspective, I agree wholeheartedly.
One way to do this could be to list
sections of your review of the research while I comment from the
perspective of a clinician specializing in the area.
My very best wishes and thanks so very
much for your summary. I guess you write so many briefs, you get real
good at pulling this stuff together... (it shows) Irene
10/6/00
Gosh, I'm flattered right down to my toes! Feel free to re-post,
comment, re-write, or anything. I'm quoting clinical stuff directly,
maybe you can better summarize or simplify for those not as fortunate
as you and I to have studied Psychology. Please use my name, even my
e-mail address if you'd like.
If you are OK on my
publishing your summary, I can elaborate/ rephrase the parts you are
worried about violating. Also, nothing gets put up without your OK whether
you lend your name, pen name, or otherwise.
I've encountered this scenario in my practice: A VERY angry woman comes
in, husband has smacked her in an uncharacteristic fit of rage (the
breakup of the marriage being the initiating factor, a.k.a. Profile D).
She has no other model to describe her situation than the Battered
Woman Syndrome, which does not quite fit. No doubt there is and has
been abuse, but she is not helpless or passive. The first time a judge
did not weigh that hitting very seriously, saying "well, that happens
sometimes..." I was astonished. The other common scenario I see is an
overly patient, restrained man with an abusive ("She's nuts!") wife,
a.k.a Profile B. She seems passive and dependant, but is still abusive.
The battered wife syndrome does not describe him or her, yet the
relationship is fraught with abuse. Sometimes her abuse stems from her
childhood or past. Sometimes she may be reacting to his verbal abuse.
I know my rambling summaries could be made clearer by your comments.
Heck, start from scratch if it's easier. My initial focus was "Why are
my kids acting this way about the creep I'm divorcing", but you may
want to focus more on why these adults do as they do.
|