 | Read Gavin De
Becker's The Gift of Fear |
| Get support. Whenever possible,
enlist the help and support of family and friends. |
| Plan ahead: Do whatever you have
to do to build up a nest egg. You deserve no less. |
| Have a place to live lined up. |
| Guilt tying your hands? Drop the guilt for once and for all - and
forever! Guilt is irrational, keeps you manipulated, serves no good
purpose, and is self-destructive. It is your job to take care of
yourself! Dumping guilt is your first lesson! |
| Stop being an open book. You
don't owe your abuser explanations! (Do you get explanations?)
You are an adult; start acting like one. |
| If you fear for your safety,
call the authorities to help. It is illegal to block your exit! They
can escort you out and put you in touch with shelters, if
necessary. |
| Contact your attorney or State
authorities to find out your rights, responsibilities, and options.
Knowledge is power! |
| Warning your abuser that the
moving truck will come by 9 am Saturday morning is not usually a good
idea. If you are serious about getting out, you are better off avoiding
a confrontation by leaving without notice and when the
abuser is out of the house. |
| You possessions are less
important than you are. |
| Leave no forwarding address. Get
an unlisted phone no. Change your email address. |
| Advise your employer of the
situation and have your abuser turned away & phone calls blocked. |
| Telephone harassment is illegal
as well. Ask police and/or telephone personnel what your options are. |
| Get an order of protection if
you need one. If you've ever been hit, you need one. If
you've been threatened, you need one. If your property has been
damaged, you need one. Call your local police station if you're
not sure. |
| Look in your local Yellow Pages.
Look for domestic violence groups usually listed in the Government
sections. |
| Get caller ID. |
| If your abuser calls, don't
answer - or hang up. If the phone rings again, hang up again. And
again. |
| Do not talk to your abuser if
you don't want to or if you feel you will weaken. Give yourself
time to see things more clearly before you communicate. |
| Get emotional help. Join a
support group; call a therapist. |
| Open your mouth. Don't protect
your abuser's ugly secret. Tell the world what was done to you and why
you left. |
| Document, document, document. |
| Keep any
incriminating letters, messages on your phone machine, and save
emails, etc. |
| Never, ever, ever hide physical
abuse. If you have bruises, call the police to document your wounds.
Likewise with your family doctor. |
| Remember that your abuser
thrives on intimidation. Most abusers will fold once you stand up
to them. |
| Remember that your abuser uses
your empathy and guilt against you to manipulate you. Get mad, not
guilty! |
| Get your backing in place
before
you make your stand (authorities, finances, emotional stuff etc.). |
| Never forget: without
treatment, abuse will get worse, not better... |
| Violence
Against Women Link |
