Thanks

Dear Dr. Irene,  
WOW what a wonderful website!! In between trips to my counselor this is the perfect spot to go.  Just the validation I need. Thank you for yesterdays  advice about not needing approval. forget where I got it off your website but it has galvanized me into action.  I have always checked with my husband first before almost any expenditure over 30 dollars or so thinking my relationship was a mutual one, well...he didn't ask me the other day before he bought golf clubs.  Why am I looking for approval to buy things I NEED like slippers and a sleep wear that are worn out?  I like being more responsible for my own care! I have been married 20 years.  About the first of March I came down with severe muscle tension headaches that were making me throw up after trying to budget with my husband. I knew something was wrong but thought I just didn't like my husbands problems solving skills. (I still don't.) Asked for marriage counseling again after getting a marriage counselor who wouldn't SEE my husband last year. ( I quit him.)   My family doctor has come through with flying colors, with what must the best counselor in town. She had me read The Verbally Abusive Relationship-by Patricia Evans. It was like going to the mechanic for a flat tire and having the mechanic tell you your frame is broken and a little piece of it is hanging down and ripping the tires off. maybe not the best analogy but that little piece hanging down is my husband and the frame is my marriage and it is wrecked, possibly totaled. That's all I can do but ask for change, I hate feeling helpless but I can't change him, he has to change himself.  I am going back to school this fall and taking the displaced homemakers program because I haven't worked in 18 years. Can't believe at 46 I'm going to be starting over.  I've fixed wonderful canines who just needed a break and  it's been very fun and profitable along with my house which has been fun too!!  But I am in over my head on this one.   The problem is the headaches left me with depression that I am just now coming out of. I have stopped most but not all my husbands abuse.  Am I gonna HAVE the energy for school this fall?  Or is this taking on too much to soon. My counselor says sign up no matter what, if you fail it's because of the depression.  Economically I want independence is this enough?  Also for anyone else out there reading this, the depression was helped a lot by getting to church, it lightens my spirit every time I go. Praise GOD. Psalm 29 is perfect for those being abused. Also praying for help won't get you in as much financial trouble as your prayer will.  Thank you!!!

Date: May 19, 1999

Dear Dr. Irene,

I have been in a relationship with a man for eight years.  At first we were so in love.  As the years have gone by, he has become very controlling.  He displays several of the symptoms you describe in the web site (I keep thinking you've been to my house!) He is an alcoholic and every time he "falls of the wagon" he is very remorseful - "I'll never do it again, give me one more chance".  And I do.   And he slips up again.  Over and over.  It seems that just when things are going well, he gets drunk and verbally abusive (physically sometimes).  Last night, I came home from work and found that he had been drinking.  He knows how nervous I get when he doesn't work and he assured my that everything would be ok and it had been for a while.  I accused him of drinking and he denied it.   This was finally the last straw.  After my 8 year old son ran out of the house because of the arguing, I told him that I would take him to a hotel or anywhere he wished but he needed to leave. He would not so I called the police and had him removed.  (He took all the money with him)  This was the last time I will ever trust him.  I will not allow him to control me ever again.  I am seeing a counselor and had a visit with her today.  I am stronger than ever before and this feels so "right".   Yes, I am sad but I am also extremely happy.

Thank you for your web site.  The information has been invaluable to me as I just found it today and it has re-affirmed my decision and taken most of the blame away.   I will probably continue to read certain parts every day (just to keep reminding myself of the horrible existence I have been living lately).

Thanks again!
Corinne 

And Thank you Corinne,
I'm glad you are taking care of yourself. Just in case you need a little encouragement: I find a tremendous correlation between addiction and anger addiction and am surprised the anger literature is not integrated more with the recovery community - but then again, much of this is about the politics of the various professions. There is however a demonstrated association between drinking and violence. Take care of yourself and your child.
My warmest regards, Dr. Irene

   

To: <drirene@drirene.com> From: Marie
Sent: Monday, May 17, 1999 2:10 AM
Subject: Thanks

Dr. Irene.
Male or female? It's funny, I read your site, and can't decide if your female or male. Anyone could name their site a female name. In "Sitting with your feelings," you say that you could be a jerk, or a prince. Females are princesses. The ironic part is that it doesn't matter. What you discuss on your web site is a human thing, not a gender thing.
Thank you for giving me a "sane" place to go to each day. I am going through hell, but I feel myself getting stronger each day because of a very special human that "got it." Please keep on updating your site.
Thank you, Marie

Dear Marie,
Thanks for the kind feedback.
You are 100% on target - its not whether you are male or female - we are
human!
By the way, I am a woman. You can read a little about me on my resume page.
Best regards, Dr. Irene

Subj:    Thanks
Date:    2/12/1999 7:32:08 AM Eastern Standard Time
From:    Janie
To:    Dr. Irene

Thanks for your site. I visited a therapist yesterday. Your website
confirmed her diagnosis. God bless you and thanks for the information.

For The Dr.
Date:    2/16/1999 2:20:20 PM Eastern Standard Time
From:   Ruth
To:    Dr. Irene

Dear Dr.Irene,
After reading through your Web site, I have realized many of things that were occurring in a past unsuccessful and painful relationship of mine. Now that I can see what was happening, and that it wasn't a product of my imagination or shortcomings, I feel a lot better about the situation. It's been nearly a year and I still haven't dated anyone, but I can now can see why. I am a remarkably healthier individual that I was in the dark days of my past relationship, and I have come very far in healing. I admit, I have dwelled on this person since we broke up, but now I can see them for who and what they really are. I swear, reading the comments and stories on your Web page has shown me the light in many ways.
Do you have a book or further material I can read. I can't afford telephone sessions, but I would not hesitate in buying your book, or one like it. Any recommendations?
I am not all the way home, but I am close. Thank you. Ruth.

Dear Ruth,
I'm glad you found the site to be helpful. Nope, no books, at least yet. But there are references on the site and lots of free downloads.
Good luck to you, Dr Irene