Weathered The Storm

I wanted to thank all of the wonderful people on this board who have helped me put my life back together. Thank you...Dr. Irene (first and foremost) Jay, Gordon, Pam, SandyB, Nuts, Sadie, Cyndie, DawnB, Mel, and so many others of you who are still here, helping others. I'm grateful as well that I am entitled to consider Jurnygal and Rachel as well amongst my friends. (I also want to thank the person who never posts but who emailed me, you helped me grow a great deal as well - you know who you are). 

My life is very different and my divorce will be final in a few days. I have a printout of my very first post here as well as the responses and it is so clear how much I've grown. I've come to a place in my life where the issues of abuse and my stbx are no longer of primary importance. I want a normal relationship and I must let go of the issues that have consumed me for the last two years. 

I'm happy and I'm content...I've met someone who is knowledgeable on the subject of abuse, but is not, nor has he ever been an abuser. We have a lot in common, and although we've both had issues with our pasts, we both face them 'head-on'. We are both very cautiously pursuing a 'possible' future. 

My children are becoming emotionally healthier by the day. I still feel guilty for some of what I allowed them to be subjected to....But, I'm doing everything in my power to 're-train' their thinking.

I no longer have the co-dependency problem of trying to please everyone all the time at the expense of myself and my own needs. Sure, at time...I backslide, but for the most part, I've found I'm able to stand up for me and myself.

Thank you all for standing by me when I was down, thank you for supporting me when I was unsure, thank you all for giving me advice and assisting me along the painful path to recovery. I truly love you all!!!!

I may or may not be posting here as regularly as I did previously, due to a

growing need for a non-cyber type of 'thing', but I want to wish all of you who are struggling along in the same path I used to - 'good luck' and remember....we all basically 'make' our own luck. You need to 'choose' your path, because when you allow someone else to 'decide' for you, you're not in control of your own life, anymore.

Hugs and Kisses to all of my cyber Dr. Irene friends...(ps, if anyone wants to email me, PLEASE feel free!!!!)

 Love....

Jeannie

also known as Stormy or IamStormy

PS, I am posting a poem after this...for hope!

This prose was written for me by a dear friend after reading my 'life story' (available on my website Stormshelter @MSN communities).

by JS

All about her

the storm raged

near incomprehensible in its' horror,

cold whipping ragged rain icy sleet biting.

Driven to the soaking, cold earth

she

writhed

in

abject agony.

And none would go to her aid.

Alone,

She cried,

prostrate against the storm's fury

striving to claw her way into the very ground

on which she lay,

seeking only shelter

from the storm.

Yet none would offer it

pausing only to push her,

sobbing

back into the sucking, cold much

Screaming!!!

Her own rage now explodes;

Struggling

against the icy morass.

Crawling

to her knees.

Refusing

to be crushed

or drowned.

And still, not one offers a hand

presenting her only their mocking laughter.

But the light in her eyes,

the very thing

which had brought the storm

and its' demons

jealously on her,

grows

dimming not

as about her,

the storm

rages still.

And then her heart quickens.

Slowly

she struggles

pushing

clawing

placing a foot

against the slippery soil.

Her eyes flame now

with the light of her very soul.

The storm turns

recoiling in mortal fear

from that burning brightness,

as now

She

stands

erect

proud

'midst the quickly gathering light

spilling forth in the wake

of the storm.

Calmly

smiling.

She surveys

the rainbow.