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J,
Wow, you are livid over this. I'm sure if your words could they would dance like
flames across the page. I got a little scorched just from reading. It appears your fantasy
is to have Yolanda's head on a stick and place it on your front lawn. Me thinks thou
does protest too much, and that what you really want is for her to come crawling back to
you with lots of groveling, begging you to take her back.
You loved someone who was mean and cruel to you and did you wrong. If this was a
crime only a handful of people all over the world would not be in jail. To be hurt and
angry over it is okay, to want someone dead is not. The punishment does not fit the
crime here. Lets put it in perspective. She hurt your feelings and was mean to you,
she didn't kill your child, or give you aids. What Yolanda did was 100% wrong. But
even after you soon found out what she was all about, you still chose to go back for more.
Trying to get people like her to see the error of
their ways is impossible. You stand a much better chance of turning shit into beluga
caviar. Forgive yourself and be thankful you never married her or had a kid with her.
The choice is yours. Forgive yourself and move on, or become a bitter angry old man.
Good luck in learning to make anger work for you and not become a slave to it.
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I read the article of A Mans Love Addiction. I
felt a lot of anger from it. Feeling sorry for J, for allowing such a meaningless person
to create such a cold individual. It seems as if he is handing her over a
lot of energy and
power, which he could use in other areas of his life. I understand his pain, anger and
feelings of evil thoughts, being I have gone through a similar situation. Only from
experience can I say it is much easier praying for a state of indifference than hoping for
death of
a person. I don't think she is sitting home obsessing on how to hurt J if thinking of him
at all and for him to have soooo much ANGER it is sad. From what I read he seems like he is
cheating some women out there of a fantastic wonderful man all because of one rotten moldy
piece of bread.
I hope the best for J
unknown |
| I can understand where J is coming from, being
that I went through the same type of thing. I gave her everything, and she threw it all
away, like I didn't matter none. I felt the same anger. I isolated myself from women for a
long time, maybe a couple years. I was convinced I'd had it with them and was happy with
my buddies. It really wasn't a bad time. I felt safe and was determined never to be hurt
again. Then I met my wife of 13 years. It took a long time for me to trust her, but she
was patient, and slowly, I did trust again. She's not flashy and hot, like the one I was
so taken with, but, she is real and she is MINE. That makes her TOPS in my book. J, hang
in there and go through what you must. God operates in funny ways. I don't think I could
have appreciated my lady to the extent I do had I not gone through hell first. |
| Dear Jay, First
off, thanks for sharing your story. Most of the stuff I've read in abuse is about men
abusing women. I feel less alone hearing another guy's story. I am also the survivor of an
abusive relationship with a woman who mesmerized me. I gave her everything: jewelry,
money, a car (I have pretty good resources to give). Maybe what attracted me was her cool
aloofness. She was unattainable, confidant, and beautiful. She took me for a long ride. I
am embarrassed to say, all I wanted to do was please her so I could win my Prize. In the
end, she took off with an acquaintance who made me look like a pauper. I fell into a
pretty deep depression for a long time. Then, like yourself, I got angry. I was suspicious
of women. Swore them off. It is only within the last few months that I've become
interested in finding a partner. The good news is that Paula taught me to value myself.
The women I date now are a different breed. I still appreciate a beautiful and
confidant woman, but I have learned to distinguish between confidence and endless
self-absorption. I also no longer work at being the Knight in Shining Armour out to rescue
Cinderella. Who knows what my future holds, if anything. But I am feeling more centered
these days and really liking the person I am becoming. Hang in there buddy.
A Friend |
Hey man,
I am with you. I've had a similar experience
and it changed me for good...or for bad as some who know me may be inclined to comment.
I've sworn them off. I give up. I know when I'm licked and I ain't going back for more.
Darth Vader
I just read J. Story and
I feel sorry for him. It is ok to be angry but don't be consumed in it. I am now a
single parent who divorced a man who disrespected me. At first I was very angry and
hurt but then I realized that through it all I did right by him and my son so even
thought he disrespected me I never disrespected myself. So instead of feeling
bad and locking myself away I felt good about all the things I done like finishing my
college education, Supporting my son , getting us a decent place to live and now I am
living good. My dad always said to me as long as you know you did the right thing
you can sleep well at night. I sleep very well every night and as if to show me that
justice has truly been served my son asked me one day after being over his father's
house for the weekend. Why does dad use sleeping pills to fall asleep now. I just
smiled to myself and said "because he has to dear".
So stand tall J. Respect
yourself enough to not let her destroy the rest of your life. You have too much to offer
and so many new people to share it with.
Doreen
I'm right there with you. I'm
trying to get over a women whom doesn't want me that I want to
spend my life with. Anger isn't the way however bad we're
treated. Remember that she is human too and has her own issues
and problems. I would like to recommend two books to you.
Facing
Love Addiction and Facing
Co-dependence written by Pia Melody. They've opened my
eyes to a lot. My prayers go with you, God bless.
Scott
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