Open Letter To Abused Dads
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Dated January 17, 2000
To: Abused Dads
I'd like to echo the words of Dr.
Laura and Dear Abby:
"How dare you
leave your babies with an abuser!"
I've been involved in many
divorces over the years. Here's a few things I've learned:
 | A single parent home is better
than the whirlwind of an abusive home.
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| A single dad home is as good as
a single mom home.
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| Kids will do well if they are
loved and listened to.
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| Dads win custody cases.
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| The courts are biased against
dads: But only biased! The courts are not stupid.
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| The courts REALLY believe in the
best interests of the child. That may be hard to define, but it is
their goal.
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| The courts look with added favor
on the person who does the caretaking in the family: "Who takes
the kids to the dentist?" "Who makes the doctor's
appointment?" "Who plans the birthday party? Who executes
it?" The idea is: Who is doing the day to day work to see to the
welfare of the child(ren)? |
Please, before you
leave: Think of the children.
If you have left:
| Get involved with those working
to achieve fairness and justice in parenting matters. Everyone's
opinion counts.
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| Hold her responsible for her
actions.
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| Ensure that she fulfills her
part of the bargain.
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| Talk to your kids! Tell them you
love them. Listen to them. Do everything in your power to be a good
father.
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| If you cannot see your kids:
Write to them several times a week and keep a copy of what you write.
Later in life those children will try to contact you. Those copies
will form the basis of a new adult relationship. |
A brief note to the women
reading this:
If you're a female reading this the
odds are good that you are the victim of abuse. Please do not be afraid
of good dads seeking custody. I'm sure you're worried about the abuser
and his manipulation of the Family Courts and you: You have every right
to be worried. Please get involved with those seeking to bring changes
to the family law. One thing we clearly need is protection from abusers.
Try to remember most of the changes in this area of society are coming
from dads who are not allowed to see their children or parent their
children. They see society through that experience. They will
listen to you. I don't think there is one men's or shared parenting
group without several female members.
Signed, Involved Dad, Greg (broken link removed)
Wow! Thank you!
Dr. Irene
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