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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

Next Message for Tex

Next Message for Tex

Don't know about Tex? Start here...

Hi Tex,
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your experiences here at Dr. Irene's place.

I spent nearly 11 years married to a man that sounds very similar to Kali. We have been separated for almost 4 months now, our divorce is filed and I should be a single woman towards the end of March '00.  I have not seen nor spoken to him during these 4 months.  We did our financial settlement via email and fax machines.  A very abrupt ending to our marriage to say the least.

It is comforting to read about other's experiences with verbal abuse.  Now that I am in a healing phase, it has been a real eye-opener for me.  I was the best at convincing myself and everyone else that "things" were happy, healthy, normal and loving.  But, they were not.

Kali's irrational behavior towards you, her judgmental action and cruel words remind me so very much of my *soon to be* x-husband!  I never worked hard enough.  I didn't try hard enough.  I was selfish, greedy, wouldn't have amounted to anything if it hadn't been for him, I was evil, I was a freak of nature, I was a pain in the ass, I didn't make him happy.  Not to mention all the foul obscene names I endured from his careless, cruel manner.  But, I loved him.....he crossed the line once into physical abuse in 1997.  He went to anger counseling and got better, for a while. 

Just this past summer, he really went off the deep end.  We were having a brand new house built (I make the same salary as him, FYI) - one day, he would make plans for our new house and the next he would say he wanted to cancel the house, leave me, and go our separate ways.  He loves me, he loves me not. Extremes in everything.  He hated me.  He loved me more than he could ever put into words.  Sheer and total craziness (he also abuses alcohol).

He would scream at me with his face an inch from my nose.  He would dance around in circles in front of me, bending over pointing his rear at me and holding up his middle  finger at me as he did his little dances.  Yes, he turned into a lunatic monster.  And, he attacked my 19 year old cat that was sleeping (that's about all she can do at her age).  He hated the cat because I gave the kitty all the affection he felt he should have been getting.  He told me to put her to sleep, that he "knew" her "time" had come.  My vet offered a different opinion.  That was about 9 months ago, Meower, my cat is doing very well, and is amazingly healthy for a very old cat.  She is much better now that it's just she and I :)

Thank God I never had any children with him.

Anyway, thanks for listening, and again, thanks for sharing.  I know all abusers are not men. You've got a head start on me recovering from the madness, but I'm doing OK too.

Best to you and your loved ones and Happy Halloween! Bye,  Viv

Best wishes Viv and God Bless you. Keep up the wonderful recovery work. You deserve no less.   -Dr. Irene

Ps. Hugs and kisses to Meower. (Just in case its not immediately apparent, I am totally nuts about cats!)