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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

His Name Calling And Anger

His Name Calling And Anger

From: Inna
Sent: Monday, September 20, 1999 4:19 AM
Subject: Name Calling and anger

Dear Dr. Irene
Eleven months ago I met a wonderful man, I thought he was the sweetest and most gentle person I had ever met.  He is intelligent, sensitive, a professional (not that they are not abusive!).  Anyway, we got engaged.  

After a few months (we were living together by then) he became another person.  He started yelling at me for no reason, was constantly irritated for no apparent reason, and whatever went wrong was my fault.  He calls me names when he is upset, like "f*** b***," you "maniac", you are "crazy" and he once kicked me seriously in the back.  I want to leave so bad but I am torn, because between these episodes he is really kind and nice.  It's crazy making, I know, but I am constantly afraid.  I'm afraid that I'll say something wrong, do something wrong, I'm always walking on eggshells.  He cannot sleep well at night, so I have to be SUPER SUPER SUPER quiet when I wake up or if I have to go to the bathroom during the night.  He cannot stand any "noise."  I cannot play music when he is at home, cannot sing which I love to do, cannot even make coffee, because he thinks it is so "unhealthy."  What am I doing with this man, why haven't I left yet?  I am a smart, well educated professional woman, I was married (6 years) before this relationship to a good man who never said a harsh word to me.   I never dreamed that I would put up with this for one minute!

Please give me advice, I feel like I am going crazy, like there is something wrong with ME and that I have no perspective. Help!

Dear Inna,

This is so simple. What is wrong with you is that you are not listening to yourself

If you stay, you WILL get crazy, you WILL lose perspective, and you will be very, very sorry...because no one had to tell you this relationship is bad news. You already knew that...

 -Dr. Irene