| May
23, 2000
Irene-
Dan Here. I am the guy who did all the emails with Larry (Self Proclaimed Sociopath), and I suspected he was
phony. And you emailed me back, and told me you didn't think he was.
Now I think that Larry, really Lou, really exists.
It has been an emotional two days for me, with family, and friends, and
people that I was hurting, that I was blind to.
I was hiding by trying to "fix" Lou, and trying to
"work" on Jake (the Mexican
man having the trouble with wife and mother-in-law).
Things are coming to light.
I apologize for using your service as my own sounding board. I did
hope Lou felt better, but I was also using your site as a forum to get all
my stuff out there, as fast as I could, just to prove myself. I am
sorry, to you, and to Lou, and to Jake. You really
helped Lou and Jake! You got through to them!
You can post this if you want, and you can post this from "Dan."
I would love it if you wanted to, but please leave out my email address,
ok? You bet. Otherwise, you have my complete
permission if you wish. If you don't want to, that's ok too. But I
would love it if you put this letter up, in fact I think it might be
important. This is very important. But that's
my opinion, which you don't have to share, and you might not think that's
appropriate.
Objectively, you have that right anyhow, and you know that. :) But I am realizing, in my own head,
truly for the first time ever, that you have the right to make up your own
mind. :) Gee thanx! Sorry for the sarcasm, I didn't
want to help it. I do know what you are saying though. It is a realization.
One of those life realities that are so obvious, you're amazed
you didn't see it all along...
What is that joke about the world's smartest man asking God to make him
even more intelligent, and God responds by turning him into a woman? Stop. This is not a sexist site. (But I'm healthy enough
to accept your compliment anyway.)
Indeed. I am humbled.
Time to get to work on my own life..........
I love you, and I love Tim for his honesty, and so many others. God bless
you all.
Dan
PS. I would love to hear back from you personally, but I don't know if
that's a good idea, given my ego problems. I'm still trolling around for
praise so badly. Kiddo, you got my kudos; deal with
it.
Dear Dan,
I will publish this. (Of course, sans identifiers.) I think this is
a
wonderful note! Thank you for the note, and thank you for working so hard
trying to fix the guys on the board. You got through...
This note is an example of
"recovery in progress." It is so cool watching you spontaneously
recognize your own stuff - and deal with it! It's also telling how you are
having a hard time with the help you gave the others simply because you
were admittedly blowing off your own steam. Well, you know what? You did
blow off steam. And you know what else? You also helped others.
So, why am I telling codependent you to continue fixing people? Because
teaching what you know is a great reinforcement to one's own learning.
Because your "fixing" was NOT unsolicited. People on these boards
are asking for help.
When is "fixing" wrong? When
its not asked for; when it is compulsively used as a way of avoiding your
own junk. Oh yeah, and when you offer your suggestions and get pissed that
the other person won't take them. You only engaged in the second one for a
little while; then you got back to yourself. There is no problem here at
all. Plus, you used all of this to further your own insight. No problem!
Can you deal with that? Hint: You'd
better learn to. Patting yourself on the back is an integral part of
healthy living. Even if your underlying motivation was initially
self-serving, you're did not get stuck in fixing anybody and in
avoiding your own stuff.
My very best wishes, Dr. Irene
I want to read the posts.
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