| March 18, 2000
Married thirty-six years, my soon
to be ex-husband has used non-communication as his weapon of choice.
Hours and days of not talking. No eye contact - and he has declared
me "unattractive", so no intimacy. I think he qualifies as
an emotional abuser. So does the psychiatrist I have sought help from.
It is true there have been too many
crisis in our lives in the last five years, one right after another.
Including his retirement three years ago, and the subsequent closing of my
business in order to accompany him in his motor home. He has made
traveling so miserable for me, I thought I was having a gall bladder
attack recently. Can you imagine being in a motor home with a person
who thinks 24 hours of silence a day is all right?
He likes to read and watch TV. I am
not "allowed" to interrupt him. He has no close friends.
He thinks superficial acquaintances are fine. He wants to continue
the marriage because it is "convenient".
I finally blew. Filed a
couple of weeks ago. He thinks it is just temporary. Soon, as
he figures out it is not, he will become very nasty. He loves his
money and has already told me he thinks he should have the lion's share if
we can't work this out. Tell that to the
Judge. I should tell you he canceled our 25th wedding anniversary
party because my sister (who was giving the party) invited three
couples he didn't approve of. That was eleven years ago. So
this goes back a long way. Wow.
I thought I loved him, but now I
see I have been clinging to the status quo out of fear. (Being alone,
etc.) We got married when I was 20. Too young. His Dad offered
us a trip to Europe with the family - if we would move the wedding up six
months. Big mistake! How I wish I had not fallen for that! But
back at my home, I was being told by my Dad I would be an old maid and
that nobody would want me. So, I had my share of baggage to deal with.
I need all the help I can get right now. I cannot retreat back into
the lifestyle we were in, it has been smothering me. Thanks for
letting me unload. Carol
Dear Carol,
Better late than
never. You sound ready! And, he seems to be making it easy for you.
Hope you are getting support on one of the boards
and/or the email lists. Good luck to
you.
My very best
wishes, Dr. Irene
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