The Judge's Little Story

 One day a group of villagers were traveling to trade with other villages to obtain needed supplies when they were ambushed by a fierce dragon. "Leave my domain or perish by my fiery breath," shouted the dragon. The party ran back to the village to tell of their frightening experience.  A group of disbelieving villagers got together and traveled to that same location only to find that the dragon had taken up residence directly beside their road. He shouted the same warning to them, and they fled in terror.  

This was obviously disastrous for the villagers since they were now blocked from their only trade route and would eventually run out of supplies and all starve to death. At first a few brave souls attempted to just ride past the dragon. But he was much too fierce and cunning. The poor souls were burned to a crisp by his fiery breath. Then several of the biggest, strongest warriors decided to go face to face with this dragon. They grabbed their swords, shouted "God save the Queen" and confronted the beast. Alas, the poor brave souls met the same fate as their predecessors. They were not seen or heard from again. 

Feeling that their fate was sealed, many of the villagers began to panic, others simply fell into a state of depression, accepting their impending doom. Still others went to the extreme of hurling themselves from rocky cliffs into the seas rather than face the slow torturous death they believed was now inevitable. But one small rather geeky villager named William approached the Counsel of Elders with a plan. He stepped into the circle of Elders with these words:

   "If we must perish, then perish we must. But we must not simply resign ourselves to a slow agonizing end without a battle."

    "You Fool," shouted the Grand Elder of the Counsel. "This dragon has easily defeated our most able warriors. It would be suicide for any man to go against him. Your plan is useless."

    "Maybe so", said young William. "But maybe we have been fighting with the wrong weapons. Obviously our current weapons have been futile. So rather than continuously repeating unsuccessful practices. We must sharpen our wits and invent new weapons, devise new strategies, push forward with the all of the resourcefulness we have in our village. If we believe we can win, and never give up, eventually victory will surely be ours."
 
    At that moment, the Elders looked at each other. They began to mumble amongst each other. William could hear murmurings..."Maybe this kid has something here," and, "I think he's right, if we put our minds to it we can make it . We can survive". At that point William knew that the battle was won. He could see that the attitude amongst the Elders and the villagers had come full circle.

    The villagers' work began immediately. They built huge catapults that could propel fiery projectiles for nearly a half mile. They built super long lances with which they could attempt to spear the dragon from a safe distance. Most importantly, they studied the habits of dragons for weeks upon weeks. They read every textbook ever printed on dragons. They also studied the history of the warriors of their village. Finding exactly what their own weaknesses were and how they could most effectively overcome them.  They worked with their greatest military minds to devise plans for bombarding the dragon day and night with projectiles for a week to
rob him of sleep. They planned to distract him with noise while flanking him from several sides at once. 

The day of reckoning finally came to pass. They began their siege exactly as planned. Everything went perfectly. After several days they decided it was time to attack. They sent the village orchestra to a nearby hilltop playing polka music - as the had learned that dragons hate polka music with a passion. They charged the dragon from all sides, expecting a fierce battle with great losses. Nevertheless, they felt almost assured that they would emerge victorious. 

But the strangest thing happened! As they approached the dragons lair, the dragon would not come out. Instead of attack, he raised a white flag. The villagers dismounted and cautiously approached the flag, weapons drawn,  fearful of deception and a counterattack. But the dragon slowly crawled out whimpering and begging for his life. "Slay him, Slay him," cheered the villagers. "Put a sock in it" said William, "Let's hear this guy out. We're bigger than that. Of course, if we don't like his story, then we'll slay him."

"Hooray," shouted the villagers. "Whatever," retorted William. "Please spare me!" begged the dragon. "Why are you so intent on destroying me?"

"Gee," said William, "Maybe it's because you fricasseed a goodly portion of our village, what'd ya think??" "Oh that," said the dragon. "Well I was scared. They rode up on me so fast on those powerful horses. I tried to scare them away, but when that didn't work I was only trying to protect myself. Surely you can see that?? 

"I guess," said William, "but you sure had us fooled. We thought we were goners for sure". "My boy," said the dragon, "Hey how bout this? I'll go into anger management therapy for this toasting-the-villagers problem I've been dealing with. And you guys can chill with the fiery projectiles and extended lance situation, cool???? "

"Oh sure, we trust you pal," said William sarcastically. "I've got a better idea: "You vacate this road so we can get back to business, or well bake a certain turkey for Thanksgiving that's so big, the whole village can get a slice, get it!!" "Ulp, uh...ya know, I had been seriously considering spending Thanksgiving with my brother up in Newport this year now that you mention it," said the dragon as he ran into the cave and packed a quick overnight bag. "Ta Ta," he bleated as he ran past the villagers, caught the red eye, no pun intended of course. 

 Oddly enough, the dragon was so grateful to William for sparing his life, that he sent him a thank you note the very next Thanksgiving. "Thank you for sparing my life," he wrote, "I've been getting therapy and decided to have my self De-Flamed so I'll never fricassee anyone again. I've even gone into a 12-step program and given up drinking that yummy "Cave Juice" I was so addicted to. How's life??"

William wrote back, "Are you kidding? My military hardware company is unbelievable. I've hired all of the villagers, copied a new line of hardware from a rival company called "Crapple," forced them nearly out of business, bought their controlling interests, and have pretty much overthrown the industry. I have a new line of catapults coming out soon out called "Window Breakers 95" Pretty catchy huh?"

 The Analogy is a Simple One
 
You are the victimized villagers. You are frightened of a dragon, your abuser, who is frightened of you! However, this dragon seems to have insurmountable power over you. You are in a seemingly hopeless situation and destined to suffer a long slow demise.  You are also William, the part of your inner self (the village) which, if awakened, can overcome almost any obstacle. But only if awakened!!! Your resources (the villagers) find information in books Such as The Verbally Abusive Relationship, Dance of the Wounded Souls, and The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and learn about the dragon's weaknesses and - more importantly - your own weaknesses! 

Through your newfound power, you will outsmart and confront your fearsome dragon: only to find out that he is weaker than you and has been acting out of fear all along. However, being brave and having integrity, you spare his life and your need for revenge. You're not stupid enough to trust him to change, but you at least hope he can change for his own good. One thing is for sure: If another dragon comes along, you'll be more than ready for him, and any other challenges life may bring.

 I wrote this as the introduction to my book, but I came up with a better analogy and decided to share this one with my dear friends at Dr. Irene's Site. I should be finished with my book by February or March. Until then, I'll be sharing my thoughts with you occasionally as you have provided tremendous feedback and the wonderful feeling that I am helping people.

 Peace, And Love, Judge G

Dear Judge G,

You have a wonderfully sharp mind, and the writing skills to convey your thoughts well. Thank you for sharing your work with us and for submitting this parable. I, for one, can't wait to read your book!     Best, best wishes, Dr. Irene  

PS: Sounds like you made lots of progress in overcoming your bitter anger towards her. Yippeee!

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While the Judge is a smart man, he is not a Judge or a mental health professional. This site & Dr. Irene do not endorse "advice" given by the Judge. -Dr. Irene 12/6/99

I'd like to read what other people wrote.

Have you read the Judge's Analysis of the Abuser's Language?