I Did It!

I am one of the lucky ones. I got out of a bad situation that surely would have become worse. I made the right decision to leave "the love of my life" and have gone on. This decision, by far, has been the most difficult and heart-wrenching one that I ever had to make, but was well worth it.

This is a classic case of a girl who meets the man of her dreams. What I didn’t know at the time was, happily ever after did not include the "prince".

I met the man of my dreams at my high school reunion. After being a single mom and raising my 4-year-old twin daughters while going to college, he was the sight for sore eyes that I had waited for. He was kind, sincere, loving, thoughtful, great with my kids, and everything I had wished and prayed for. We were engaged after a short period of time and things were wonderful. The trouble began after a bout of depression that I had been going through due to a hormonal imbalance from my oral contraceptives. It was then that, instead of being there for me to lean on, he was there to push me further down. I could not understand what I could have done to make this man who had treated me like a queen to - all of the sudden - treat me with no respect. I though at the time he was having a hard time seeing me not be as strong as I had when we first met. He began to verbally abuse me and make me feel very inferior. He once told me that he couldn’t believe how weak I had become. All of this was making my depression worse. Instead of helping myself feel better, I was trying to convince him that I was ok and we then started counseling. After going a few times as a couple, we started going on our own. In one of my sessions after telling the counselor that he had again called me a "bitch" for something very minute, he (the counselor) stood up and left the room. I was wondering "what in the world?" he came back with some handouts on abuse. He then looked me in the eyes and said that this man was abusing me. I was so shocked. I had not believed it, nor did I want to believe it. We shortly thereafter bought my childhood home from my parents. The abuse got even worse. The day that we were moving his dining set out of his house, he shoved me and then pinned me up against the cabinets with the heavy oak table just because I couldn’t lift it up as high on my end as he did on his. He started breaking things around the house, calling me horrible, filthy names (in front of my children). On one occasion he told my daughters, who at this time had never even known why their biological father wasn’t around, that he did not want them just like their real dad didn’t. The abuse kept on until one night he grabbed the girls by their hair and slammed their heads together (like you see in a wrestling move or on the Three Stooges) hard. They ended up with large "goose-eggs" and cried the rest of the night. He constantly made me feel inferior because he bought the house for me, bought me a $7,000 engagement ring, bought me a brand new mini van. All I wanted was that man I fell in love with to come out from where ever he was hiding and love me again.

One day after months of trying to get him to feel better about himself and come back to earth, I left.

I left my own house (that I had lived in for 30 years) to a man who drove me out. I did not want to leave, but as he also rubbed in my face, I could not afford a house payment that large, raise two girls, and also enjoy a few incidentals such as "eating". I had never felt so much pain in my life, I prayed for strength daily to help me and to help me get my children through this. They were very angry at me for leaving, not understanding what type of man he was, what type of father he would have been, and not understanding what kind of women they would grow up to be and who they would marry.

My wedding was supposed to have been this past weekend. I got through the day much better that I thought I would have. I miss my house terribly, but am planning on moving into my own house soon. My memories of my childhood are in my heart…not in my old house. He has to this day (5 months later) not apologized for anything he has done. I think he doesn’t realize that he is responsible for my leaving. From what I hear, he is on his way in a new relationship. I truly wish him well. I am unable to turn off my feelings of love. I have, in my heart, forgiven him, since he doesn’t even realize he did anything wrong. I am truly a better person for going through all of this. I know that a better plan waits for me out there somewhere and I know that "the third time will be the charm". This by far, has been the most difficult decision I have ever made, but the best one as well. I have cried a lot of tears, but they have also been very healing as well. My friend once told me "No man is ever worth your tears, and if you find one who is, he will never make you cry".

I took my beautiful engagement set and had a necklace made and with the setting, had the girls’ birthstone (sapphire) put in. All of this was a gift to me. Because I am worth it.