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4/14 Interactive Board: Codependent Partners

3/23 Interactive Board: He's Changing... I'm Not...

3/1 Interactive Board: D/s Lifestyle

1/14 Interactive Board: My Purrrfect Husband

12/12 Interactive Board: What if He Could Have Changed?

10/23 Interactive Board: Quandary Revisited

8/24 Interactive Board: Quandary! What's Going On?

7/20: Dr. Irene on cognitive behavior therapy and mindfulness

6/12 Interactive Board: Unintentional Abuse

11/7 Interactive Board: Is This Abusive?

12/29 Interactive Board: There Goes the Wife...

11/4 Interactive Board: A New Me!

10/8 Interactive Board: Seeming Impossibility

9/8 Interactive Board: My Ex MisTreats Our Son

5/1 Interactive Board: I feel Dead - Towards Him

4/26 Interactive Board: Why is This So Hard?

4/19 Interactive Board: I Lost My Love...

4/7 Interactive Board: Too Guilty!

How I Handle My Abusive Wife

How I Handle My Abusive Wife

April 19, 2000

I just would like to share this experience with your visitors. This observation was quite interesting to me & I thought it may be of interest to others.

I have confronted my wife with her anger & demeanor from time to time over the years but it had always led to an argument or a subject change. So,  about five or so years ago I threw the towel in on all communication (since I have experienced what the judge has: absolutely no common language whatsoever) except what is necessary for home & child management. Well naturally, I began to get all sorts of complaints about lack of communication...."why don't you talk to me"..."we never communicate" ..."you don't open up".

After educating myself at your site and realizing more logically what I have been knowing instinctively for twenty three years, I started to address my wife's anger, casual demeanors & condescending tones directly & unemotionally.  Good!

Well, a strange thing has happened. All those communication complaints & requests have ceased. And she makes no attempt to initialize communication. Seems that no communication at all is better than actually addressing this issue intellectually. As near as I can figure, screaming & arguing about screaming & arguing is OK, but actually discussing it is strictly taboo.

Things are getting clearer & clearer.

Thanks for the forum.  Glad things are quieter, if not better. Dr. Irene