Abusive Graphics:
|
The (old) Verbally Abusive Partner|
Sent: Friday, January 14,
2000
Subject: please loose the graphic
Dear Dr. Irene,
One request. The graphic
representation you use of a cat (representing the verbal abuser) whose
eyes are red like a devil who is being consumed by fire attempts to
categorize all verbal abusers (even ones trying to change) as individuals
who should burn. I don't find it necessary or helpful and would
request that you tone it down. Yes, you got a reaction from me. Sincerely, Sam
I appreciate your effort in communicating your thoughts and feelings regarding the cat, but:
The site attempts to lighten a heavy subject through the use of humor and parody. This particular cat, I think, is representative of how abusive people too often view themselves.
With respect,
I suggest that you lose the anger - and enjoy the humor.
-Dr. Irene
Ps: For a more appealing cat, go here!
January 14, 2000 Dear Dr. Irene- Dear Jennifer, Yes, you nailed it. It is part of the problem. "When you hate [a person], you hate something [in him] that is part of yourself. What isn't in us doesn't disturb us." - Hermann Hesse Thank you. Dr. Irene
Dear Dr Irene,
I am new to your site, first time, and I have looked
into your clipping. One caught me, it was a message from Sam,
regarding your graphic of the cat. I did agree with Sam. It should be
typical of an abuser who wants help to be angry over a graphic like
that.
I too have not read many subjects that were positive. I do believe abuse can be helped, if the abuser is willing to try. So I was offended as well. If coming to this site was for help or encouragement, I would feel there was no hope. I have only read 7 stories so far, but none were encouraging, they all talked about leaving him, getting rid of him, life without him. I would like to see your section on progress made, success stories, helpful advise. That is the frame of mind I am in and would like to have the support as well.
Sincerely, Nine Years Invested
Dear Nine Years, There is much more material on leaving the abuser than on the recovery of the abuser for a few reasons: First, more victim people write in than abuser people. So, you find more material responding to their plight. Second, most abusive people are not interested in recovery. A number are, as long as they can do it on their terms - which won't work since that is essentially the problem! I tell my abusive clients that they have to want recovery so much, when asked to "jump", the answer should be "how high?" So there are very few abusive people who really overcome this difficult addiction to anger. On the other hand, many improve - a lot - even though they don't completely overcome what I see as a personality disorder of sorts. But, success stories are on the site. Read about Brent as the shining example. I agree with you, more abuser recovery success stories are needed. I'm glad you wrote to validate Sam. I will email him to see your posting. My very best wishes, Dr. Irene Nine Years wrote back. "I explored further and found some helpful and encouraging stuff." She reports on an exercise this couple uses that works! See it here. Ps: Readers: Please submit encouraging stuff on the abuser-person's recovery. It is my pleasure to print it! |
