| December 19, 1999
I ran away from home
when I was 15 to be with the man I thought I loved and who I thought would
never do me wrong. That was my first mistake...
It was a couple of weeks after that
he started calling me names, saying I was just like his ex-wife, whom he
told me all about. It hurt a lot because I had grown up in a family were I
knew that this wasn't right, but I felt that I was trapped and couldn't do
anything about it.
His next trick was when he told me that he and his 2 other friends had
taken some pills and were committing suicide. He let me believe that in
the morning, he would be dead and let me stress and cry all night.
From then it just escalated. We
moved in with his mom for awhile and he even was rude to her. One night he
even went crazy on her and she moved out of her own apartment to get away.
We found out that I was pregnant, and even then he didn't stop. When he
said that he was "stressed" he blew up at me. Screaming at me
that he wished I would have a miscarriage, that he was going to go get a
girl that he frequently visited to come beat me up so that I would have a
miscarriage. This went on for the next 9 months of my pregnancy and I
never said a mean thing back to him. After each episode he'd come
begging for me to forgive him, that he didn't mean all those things, and
that it was because he was "stressed". At the hospital where I
was about to have a baby, he pulled the same trick again, calling me names,
making me cry and ruining the days that were supposed to be happy.
I had a baby boy and somehow he
turned out to be a happy little baby. When the baby was about 6 months
old, he started getting crazy on me. While I was holding the baby, he
picked up a broom and said that he was going to beat the **** out of me,
and then suddenly snapped and was apologizing.
To bring it up to the present, he
had a job that was giving him the hours that he needed so he went looking
for another one. He was planning on going to a temporary service that day
to get money that he had missed that day. He fell asleep later in the
afternoon, which was when he had planned to call the office - so I woke
him up. He went all crazy because I woke him up and started to break my
glass objects, saying that he paid for them so they are his to break.
he broke a glass water ball right in front of our son who was in reach of
getting hit or stepping on the glass. He broke everything that I had that
was breakable, and then asked me to forgive him...
I decided that this was enough. I
wasn't going to deal with it anymore, and I didn't want my son growing up
seeing that and repeating it. I've only been gone 2 days and he's calling
me asking me to come back saying that he's going to change. What should I
do? I don't want to keep our son away from him but I'm not sure he is
going to change. Kathy
Dear Kathy, He wants to change, but it
is not so easy. The only chance he has at changing is for you to stay away
and demand that he get in treatment and get it together - before you two get
back together. Go very, very slowly. Meanwhile, take a look at yourself.
What is going on with you that you would consider staying with a man who
has hurt you so? Get some treatment yourself! As long as you think it is
somehow OK to put up with threats and violence, at this point, you no
longer hurt just yourself. You also hurt your child - by continuing
the cycle of abuse into the next generation. Teach your child self-respect
instead - by loving and respecting yourself first and
foremost. Do this. You are so young; don't waste your life
being anybody's victim. Good luck. Dr. Irene |
