From: Annette
Sent: Friday, October 15, 1999
4:21 PM
Subject: Thanks for your site
Dr. Irene:
I just wanted to thank you for putting your site together. I first
"discovered" that I was in a
verbally abusive relationship almost 2 years ago. I began
individual therapy about 18 months ago. I am still trying to make
my marriage work.
When I first realized my situation I searched the internet high and low
for a website, e-mail support list or chat room that addressed this
problem. I couldn't find one. The best I could find was
co-dependent support, but nothing that specifically addressed the verbal
abuser/co-dependent relationship. I felt so alone and overwhelmed.
I don't know how long your site has been here, but if it was here 2
years ago, all the search engines missed it! I am SO glad to
have found it. I have been on the Yeouchhh list for several weeks
now. I find it much more helpful than the co-dependence e-mail
support list I have been on.
There are several reasons I feel this list is so much better for me than
the general co-dependence recovery support group I have been on.
Since my husband is neither an addict nor a physical abuser, it is easy
for me to feel both "unworthy" and "more fortunate".
By "unworthy", I mean that I feel silly complaining about mean
words when other folks in the group are dealing with an alcoholic or a
compulsive gambler. By "more fortunate" I mean that I am
physically and financially "safe" while others are in bankruptcy
because their partner gambled, drank, or snorted everything away.
These same factors prevented me from joining support groups for physical
abuse. I want to emphasize that the other folks on the
co-dependency list were supportive--I guess THEY could see that I had an
equally difficult situation. It is me. My biggest problem is
teaching myself that I deserve a better life. (And that I am NOT
really physically or financially safe.) Simply put--Yeouchhh subscribers are in the EXACT same
situation as me. There is no way I can deny my pain or think that
my situation "isn't as bad as his/hers". Other
Yeouchhh subscribers describe situations that mirror my own so clearly
that I am forced to face reality. No hiding from the truth.
I believe that I will make more rapid progress in my recovery now that I
have this resource. Thank you so much! Annette
Dear Annette,
Thank you so much!
The site did not
go up until March 1, 1999 and did not become a verbal abuse site (it
was a codependence, various types of addiction site) until reader
email led me to change it sometime in the Spring or early Summer.
My very best
wishes,
Dr. Irene
Sent: Monday, September 20, 1999 12:08 PM
Subject: Remember?
I don't know if you remember me but I
wrote to you asking for credentials and I told you that my BF
(EX!!!!!) thought you were a quack. I no longer need those
credentials!! I know now that I was being silly and I have a
new motto and allot of this has to do with stumbling upon your site!
I want to thank you again and again! I also want you to know
that you have made a difference for a lost little girl that didn't
know! Now I know and I'm better because of it! Thank you
so much for caring! New motto:
Stop accepting
Start expecting
No regrets
Thank you thank you thank you!
Sincerely,
(the new and improved NOT emotionally
abused) Amy :)
Thank you!
Dear Amy,
Glad you figured that one out all
your lonesome! Feels good to take your power, no? By the way, my
credentials have always been on the site: http://www.drirene.com/resume.php
Well, you rock all the same and YES
it DOES feel good!! He moved out last night. It's
finally over! Amy
From: Bonnie
Sent: Wednesday, September 08,
1999 2:55 PM
Subject: Just wanted to say
"Thanks"
Dr Irene,
I just wanted to write and say thanks. I am fresh out of an
emotionally abusive relationship and I have found your site to be
amazingly informative - both about what I cannot control (whether he
decides to help himself learn new behaviors and whether he decides to
re-enter my life) and what I can control (how to not be a victim and
whether I will even let him re-enter my life). Wish I could force my
ex-boyfriend to read it, for his own sake, (oops, here we go with the
control issue again!), but I can't make that happen. Right.
We dated for 4 years. I still think he's has the potential to be a
wonderful person (somewhere deep down), but he won't take responsibility
for anything. During our most recent 3 month break-up, he slept with
another woman. He called me to get back together ("I love you,
want to be with you forever, etc."), but when I got upset about him
sleeping with someone, he managed to turn everything into my fault
and said every hateful thing he could think of. (*I* made him upset
and angry because I'd started a fight and now he didn't want to date me
anymore!!) !! So much for the marriage
promises he'd made 3 hours earlier. I feel pretty sure that he'll
come back at some point (his last note said something about "maybe in
several years when we both grow up", so I feel like he's not written
me off completely), and I'm trying to decide how to handle things at that
point. Yuk, yuk, ugh! Do yourself a favor and steer
clear! I'm not sure that even if he gets counseling, I can ever
forgive him - or even if I should! Counseling
is no guarantee of cure!
Anyhow, I wanted to thank you for taking this time to explain, in very
clear terms, what happens in such a relationship and how things got to
where they are - and how to start to get myself out of where I am now!
(I am getting professional counseling.) Good!
Thanks again.
Bonnie
Thank you for the
kind words... Good luck to you! Regards, Dr.
Irene
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