Divorce & The Children

Dr. Irene,

What I don't see addressed here is what happens to children when the non-abusive spouse does divorce the abusive spouse, and then, because the Courts do not recognize verbal and emotional abuse as abusive, those children are forced to be with the abusive parent without the intervention of the stable parent?  Children who are screamed at for hours on end... harassed and harangued... terrified with road rage attacks... tortured with threats of putting their mother in jail for the slightest perceived infractions of the divorce decree... sitting with a 3 and 5 year old at the table, reading the divorce decree to them while the children sob hysterically....  

And the Courts do nothing except keep it tied up and tell the mother that she needs to "get along" and not "alienate the affection" of the children from their father.  It's insanity.  These children are not better off... they have to be with a madman and his insane wife two
weekends a month, without supervision, and without protection. Everything in the home is geared toward helping the children get emotionally prepared for the visits and calming them down and getting back to normal afterwards so that they can enjoy the normalcy of their
lives when they don't have to be constantly trapped in the cycle of abuse.... honeymoon, buildup, abuse, honeymoon, buildup, abuse, honeymoon, buildup, abuse.... etc.    CCK

Dear CCK,

First, thanks for the quote. 

Second, boy, do I wish I could answer your question. I can tell you that personally I have been disheartened by too many Court decisions in my practice. But I have also seen justice prevail time and time again when the "good guy" has walked the straight and narrow - and the partner hasn't. Some examples: two fathers, both falsely accused of child sexual abuse by abusive wives. One ended up with full custody when mom ran off out-of-State to marry the latest lover, and the other was allowed full and unrestricted access to his children. A woman, so overwhelmed by the game-playing of the child's father, that she gave up her shared custody and packed the child off to the abusive dad. Years later, the young teen, came running back to mom. Also, you can read about Delaney, an angry victim mom. Jury's still out on that one, though it is looking good.

For the longest time, I thought the legal system was so very, very broken. I am sure, at times it is. But, I think I am shifting from a "justice is blind" to a "justice has tied hands" position. Read this series of letters and see what you think. It starts with a divorce attorney's comments to me regarding my publication of an abused dad's tale.

I would like to read readers' comments.