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Never heard of "J"? Then start at the beginning. Hopefully, this is the end!
September 15, 1999
For your site......
I had broken up with Yolanda in January, 1998. It was not my
decision to break up, even though I could see that it wasn't working out
at all. Yolanda wasn't treating me with any respect or decency.
She was doing everything in her power to keep me away from her, even
though I was being very good to her, as usual.
I spent the next year and a half without talking to Yolanda except for two
brief conversations in May of 1998. She wound up working elsewhere.
I didn't see her very much from Sept to July. In June I found
out that Yolanda would be working in the same building as I, so there was
a chance of confrontation, although I really felt I didn't want anything
to do with her then or ever again. My feelings got the best of me
when I saw her several times walking around the school and around the
neighborhood as I was driving home.
One day I pulled up alongside Yolanda
and asked her how her daughter was doing. That opened the floodgates
to a conversation, then another, then another. Pretty soon we were
back to where we were before, although something seems different with Yolanda
this time around.
It's in her kiss. It's in her hugs. It's in the way she speaks
to me. It's in the way she speaks to others about me. Yolanda
is a different woman. I think she has matured a lot and that she is
finally ready for a relationship with me. She regrets what had
transpired in the past. She didn't want to rush anything because she
wanted this to be the last time we were together again. This time
she says she will not make a rash decision. This time she wants me
to stay with her through it all. I may sound like a complete fool by
saying this, but I think we are going to be together after all.
We have discussed plans to get
married in April or in the summer. Of course this is all based on
how Yolanda feels through the winter, a season which is historically bad
for her. There is also a difference in me. I feel I am more
mature and more ready to handle this relationship. I will not allow Yolanda
or any woman to walk all over me. I have to look out for myself
first, and my daughter second. I cannot hurt the delicate balance
with my daughter.
I need to take other things into
consideration this time around. I actually believe in Yolanda and I
think she is going to make a great wife for me someday very soon, but I am
also keeping my eyes open for any signs of the old Yolanda. If I see
something I do not like, I will tell her. I have done that already
and it has worked out much better. Now you got
the idea!
My advice to anyone involved in this type of relationship is to either
hang in there and suffer often or bail out and find someone who is more
ready for a relationship. Yolanda needs time. I still feel she
is worth the effort, so I am hanging in there and waiting for her.
It will not be the easiest of relationships, but everything which is worth
it is worth the investment of time. I hope this pays off for me.
If it doesn't, I think I am better equipped to handle failure. I
worked on myself first and I am a better person for it. Now I am
better able to love someone else. -J
Dear J,
My very best wishes
to the two of you. Keep up the good work and never let anyone mistreat you
again! Thanks for the update. Irene
See J's May, 2000 Update here!
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1999