Sold Out For Clean Cat Boxes

Dear Dr. Irene,

I don't need an answer. Tough. You're getting one.  I had some great therapy years ago, so I can get this back if I need it.  I just want to thank you for this site, because I didn't even know I was being verbally abused. Join the club.

I even managed to get a chuckle, because I confronted the "better half" with a porn web site and for one of the first times I saw him react with anger.  He can be so smooth, subtle and condescending, with the help of our current therapist that I have really bought into it's being me. Covert abuse.

I divorced a wife beater and my father was and is a bully, so I thought I was pretty savvy at abuse tactics.  Ha!  Nope. You just learned they were "normal." You know the ropes.

Anyhow, I figured if he was having cyber sex I could get cyber shrunk :) :)

It has taken me three days to get back on my feet mentally, and I wasn't well enough to collect my thoughts so that I could rationally write to you, and anyhow we are in therapy.........unfortunately with a therapist unfamiliar with verbal abuse...... but, I started writing in a notebook and after 2 days of rambling thoughts, feelings, etc. I wrote two columns:  What I'm getting/not getting out of this relationship -  and the only thing I came up with is that he cleans the litter boxes twice a week. Purrrr....

I gave this some more thought, slept on it, and yep!  That's it right now.  So I'm selling my soul for clean cat boxes?  Is this worth it? Not hardly...... ME-ow!

I found your web site so helpful and I am so lucky.  My children are raised and gone. I have my own personal income.  I have a car.  We own a house.  I have a credit card and good credit.  I'm insured. So I can't clean the cat boxes? :)

Wonderful reality check.  I'm still angry, but I'll get over it. You should be angry. Tip: good use of anger is to use it to motivate you to change yourself, as you are doing; bad use is to act out angrily towards him.

Thank you so much.  Just knowing others are going through this is uplifting.  Some are so close to home that it hurts.  And I think I have the strength to go to therapy and say again, "Here's what I am going through"  and little Mr. Butter won't melt in his mouth; he can take it or leave it.  Being strong does not mean I'm controlling. :)  Telling him my needs does not mean I am manipulative. :) Telling him "no" does not mean I'm out of hormones.  ME-ow!

I will get strong.
I will get better.
I will get healthy.
I will let go of my anger.
I will regain my sense of humor.
I will sleep better.
I will respect my feelings.
and
I will clean my own cat boxes.

Don't forget: I will not accept abuse, overt or covert.

Thank you, thank you, and thank you again.  You have helped me feel the first self respect I've had in 5 years and I like being back here.  I will go slowly, tho.....

LW 

My best to Trubble 

Dear LW, Thank you!  

 I am taking the liberty of writing on behalf of the doc. Sounds to me like you are in a really good place. You've identified the yukky, awful stuff you don't want to put up with anymore.  Good for you! Good for him! (Cuz its a wakeup call asking him to become the best he can be.) 

You're strong today (good use of your anger!), but you'll feel yukky other days. Look at this page whenever you feel un-OK. I'll be here to cheer you on!

Love and kisses, Trubble 

Ps: You can clean my cat box anytime!  

Now, I'll let all my fans say good, encouraging and empowering stuff to you too!