Comments To Abused Dad
Courtesy of Dr. Irene Matiatos Copyright© 1999. The material on this website may be distributed freely for non-commercial or educational purposes provided that author credit is given. For commercial distribution, please contact the author at Doc@drirene.com
B1: Submit
Date: 12/5/1999
S1
This is a very sad story. Please don't give up your fight and don't lose heart. By the way, I couldn't figure out why there were no posts... Here is why: I had a very hard time posting. It did not go smoothly. In fact, this letter is very short because it is my third attempt and I hope this one goes through. Dr. Irene: fix this board! Melanie.
B1: Submit
Date: 02/03/2000
S1
Hi Peter: It sounds like you and your mother needs to vacate the state where this sick person lives. I was stuck in a similar situation approximately 18 years ago. My children were terrified of my now ex-husband and his terror and tyranny. I too was frightened and suffered serious injury(s) in an effort to protect my children from his tirades. One day I went to work and a sympathetic friend who had followed my personal problems with my husband asked me if I wanted out of the mess. Since I was alone in a state where his family was I felt trapped. I accepted this friends assistance and went home one evening and proceeded to pack what appeared to be a few of my items. My ex-husband knew full well that I had become so enmeshed in his sociopathic behavior that I would never leave him and even if If did I would have to return back to him anyway. This was the one mindset I need to make the smooth get away with my children of 2 and 4. The day that I put my two babies on the backseat of my car and a U-Haul truck and headed for peace of a safer city. My girls are now both college graduates and doing well in life. I feel strongly that had I stayed in the clutches of hell with my husband, my children would have been reduced to terrified little children for the rest of their lives. One of the girls have been in therapy but they a both strong and moving on with life. Get your children out of this mess even if you have to leave the country. It will destroy them emotionally and you will regret that for the rest of your life. I know this is where you live and your family lives and that will be difficult but your children is worth leaving behind that old comfort zone. I must tell you that I have a friend who did not get out with her babies and these children are so emotionally confused today that neither can hold down a job or get their own living quarters. One of them is manic depressive and the other is obsessively needy and her mother is only allowed to work and return home. This child is so needy that if her mother attempts to do any thing with her life, she immediately initiates what I see as emotional blackmail. The children have been so terrorized for such a long time by their stepfather that they feel hopeless and helpless in this "GIANT WORLD". The world is not such a giant, the children just believe it is a giant. I am so sorry that you have to deal with all this however, you as the sane parent must take, fight for, and steal for your children's rights to be free of the abuse. I will pray for your deliverance from this person who has obviously been possessed by the devil. I am not telling you to hate her or anything but since your children are genetically linked with this person, they will likely get a double dose of poisonous pedagogy from their birth mother. From all I have read about your situation, get out with your children and don't look back. The children are the real victims here, not necessarily you.
If you would like further discuss this and other escaping matters feel free to contact me at my email address at geewatts@aol.com. I am not a psychiatrist or psychologist just someone who has been there and done that. You must realize that you are dealing with a demon spirit in your ex-wife. This spirit came to kill, steal and destroy your children's lives. You must take the same attitude and started to kill, steal and destroy the demon spirit in your children's lives. Remember, this is only a spirit and the only way to stop a spirit is through spiritual warfare. The spirit may not ever be destroyed but I can assure you that it will flee from your life. Not forever, but use your time wisely to gain all the wisdom you can in spiritual warfare so that the demons will never get a foothold again in you or your children's lives.
B1: Submit
Date: 01/17/2000
S1
Hire a hit man~ Just kidding. I hope you can hang in there. I read on a Verbal Abuse site that it really helps having a normal non- abusive parent to tell the kids that this is not right. They tend to handle the situation better, and grow up healthier. So keep up the good work and definitely hug your children and talk to them a lot. Love a mom
B1: Submit
Date: 01/14/2000
S1
I don't know anything about Peter but he sounds much like my ex!! He also claimed that I tried to stab him. Claims too that I regularly feed him fire ant poison. Fortunately he has no legal stance since these things never happened and are entirely elements of my ex's need to control me. Does this say anything to you Dr. Irene about why the legal system is not responding?
B1: Submit
Date: 07/31/2000
S1
subliminal
B1: Submit
Date: 07/18/2000
S1
I cannot believe it,but if you cannot change the law in PA...I think you should move away, and let another state get a crack at her.
you should be considered a hero to your family..good luck
B1: Submit
Date: 07/16/2000
S1
Peter: Wow, you've suffered through so much! This woman shouldn't be a mother if she treats her kids like that! From what you have written it is clear that she is very controlling, insecure, and irresponsible. The only mistakes you made, it appears, were to treat her like a goddess, to accommodate her too often by getting a nanny & housekeeper, and to not suspend the relationship when she started to hit you and to have lovers come over to your house.
I'd say the best thing for you and the kids is to limit her visitation rights. It sounds like you have things figured out pretty well at this point, but are being impeded from doing what's best for your kids and you by the ossified Pennsylvania courts. You need legal help. I suggest you get a better lawyer. Ask everyone you know for recommendations!
I, too, requested a PFA against my wife. She had pushed me down the driveway with a car. To my surprise, the judge hastily denied my request, chastising me for getting in front of the car! I doubt if he would have done that had I been a women!
By the way, I disagree with the comments of 1/14/2000 and 3/22/2000. If you have told the truth, then there is no question that her behavior is inexcusable! Good luck!
-Paul
---------------------------- Irene: the above can be public, but the below should be private, since I don't know if my lawyer wants her number announced on the web.
Peter: I live in Pittsburgh and I have a great lawyer. Give her a call. She's Margie Hammer, 412-687-2231.
B1: Submit
Date: 07/05/2000
S1
Peter:
I can't help, but I can say thanks. Folks like you are helping people like me to understand the seriousness of such situations. I am in the early stages of your story - my wife came at me with a large kitchen knife three months into our marraige, frequently throws things, and hits me hard enough to throw my glasses across the room.
Six months ago, after thirty months of marraige, she called 911. She had somehow cut her lip (self-inflicted wounds are a result of temper tantrums), but I hadn't touched her. The police told ME that I would go to jail if it happened again.
The police gave me the phone number of the local Women's Crisis Center, and I called them the next day. I spoke with several people, including a counselor and an attorney, explaining that I was confused with regard to what I was doing wrong (because I couldn't see how I was doing anything wrong), and because I was very much concerned about the "I'll call 911 if you don't behave" attitude that my wife had - I wanted to know how I could avoid getting set up to go to jail. I was told by all parties that the Women's Crisis Center couldn't help men. I ended up looking on the Web for guidance, and was surprised to find that I was not alone.
When my wife hit me a few days ago, on the eve of our three-year anniversary, _I_ called 911. She was very cocky when the police arrived, readily admitting that she had hit me with a hint that I deserved it. One of the two officers was the same as had been on the 911 call six months ago, and he seemed to recognize that there was a problem. That she frequently hit me, and that I was hesitant to talk about it, came out in the first call that she had made. That I finally made a call of my own, and that she was quite cocky about her right to hit me, resulted in a two-day restraining order against her, an order to appear in court, and a promise that she would be arrested if she did it again.
Peter, please know that six months of reading experiences like yours on the Web gave me the courage to make that 911 call. To my shock, the 911 person and the police officer each explained to me that I am a victim, not a sissy, and that I should feel neither shame nor guilt for wanting to document her behavior - something that I really needed to hear. Importantly, stories like yours might be a cause of the surprisingly supportive attitude of the police on the second 911 call; they also told me that the local Women's Crisis Center was now encouraging them to send men. Your experience, Peter, might have been terrible, but reading such experiences has caused me to take action that probably saved me from going to jail and from ruination of my career.
- Bob O.
B1: Submit
Date: 07/05/2000
S1
Peter:
I can't help, but I can say thanks. Folks like you are helping people like me to understand the seriousness of such situations. I am in the early stages of your story - my wife came at me with a large kitchen knife three months into our marraige, frequently throws things, and hits me hard enough to throw my glasses across the room.
Six months ago, after thirty months of marraige, she called 911. She had somehow cut her lip (self-inflicted wounds are a result of temper tantrums), but I hadn't touched her. The police told ME that I would go to jail if it happened again.
The police gave me the phone number of the local Women's Crisis Center, and I called them the next day. I spoke with several people, including a counselor and an attorney, explaining that I was confused with regard to what I was doing wrong (because I couldn't see how I was doing anything wrong), and because I was very much concerned about the "I'll call 911 if you don't behave" attitude that my wife had - I wanted to know how I could avoid getting set up to go to jail. I was told by all parties that the Women's Crisis Center couldn't help men. I ended up looking on the Web for guidance, and was surprised to find that I was not alone.
When my wife hit me a few days ago, on the eve of our three-year anniversary, _I_ called 911. She was very cocky when the police arrived, readily admitting that she had hit me with a hint that I deserved it. One of the two officers was the same as had been on the 911 call six months ago, and he seemed to recognize that there was a problem. That she frequently hit me, and that I was hesitant to talk about it, came out in the first call that she had made. That I finally made a call of my own, and that she was quite cocky about her right to hit me, resulted in a two-day restraining order against her, an order to appear in court, and a promise that she would be arrested if she did it again.
Peter, please know that six months of reading experiences like yours on the Web gave me the courage to make that 911 call. To my shock, the 911 person and the police officer each explained to me that I am a victim, not a sissy, and that I should feel neither shame nor guilt for wanting to document her behavior - something that I really needed to hear. Importantly, stories like yours might be a cause of the surprisingly supportive attitude of the police on the second 911 call; they also told me that the local Women's Crisis Center was now encouraging them to send men. Your experience, Peter, might have been terrible, but reading such experiences has caused me to take action that probably saved me from going to jail and from ruination of my career.
- Bob O.
B1: Submit
Date: 03/22/2000
S1
Well, there are 2 sides to every story. Maybe she is mad about the divorce. Sometimes people get even worse after a divvorce. Try not to commplain too much as she will get worse. As for the children, I don't know what to say.
B1: Submit
Date: 03/11/2003
S1
dear peter I'm a child and I was abused by my father I under stand what you are are going throgh and I read your story that is very heart breaking while I am typing this I am at school doing a futcher artical and I chose child abuse I dont realy know why but at first I was going to do sining but I changed my mind for some reason I don't know why but I did I am in 6th grade I am writing this on my b-day well you'll be hearing from me agien I still have some comments for you. yours truely, becki potter
B1: Submit
Date: 03/11/2003
S1
dear peter I'm a child and I was abused by my father I under stand what you are are going throgh and I raed your story that is very heart breaking while I am typing this I am at school doing a futcher artical and I chose child ab I dont realy know why but at first I was going to do sining but I changed my mind for some reason I don't know why but I did I am in 6th grade I am writing this on my b-day well you'll be hearing from me agien Istill have some comments for you. yours truely, becki potter
B1: Submit
Date: 01/30/2003
S1
I have a situation where my wife has been abusing me for years. she waited on night recently, when i had a few drinks to call the cops and say I had beaten her, then and many times. Not true, but i was arrested and now have her getting restraining orders, for no reason, i am living as far away as possible. i am the victim, but am getting railroaded. any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated. I have to figure out some way to get through the chareges without too much publicity, she would love to see me loose my job. Best sorry about the past for you, heres to the future and god bless. jeff jmd10sne1@yahoo.com
B1: Submit
Date: 10/26/2002
S1
Hi Peter. What you have said about offcial reaction to many child abuse issues is certainly true. Even more so if you are a man. The world it seems is blinkered to female abusers and does not want to concider that women and mothers can be violent. Having been abused myself, once as a child and twice as an adult, by women, I know only too well how false the world view is. There is also the common falsehood that there are fewer male victims than female victims. People in positions of influence will not look at the scientific evidence that prove otherwise, preferring instead to believe folklore and false statistics. Like you I prefer to be proactive than passive on this issue. Please get in touch at grolph@hotmail.com or visit my site at: http://man2man.themenscenter.com Maybe we can fight together? Good luck Peter George
