Comments to Dr. Irene's Email Advice to: "I Feel Guilty For Getting A Restraining Order"

Sent: Friday, October 08, 1999 9:02 PM
Subject: E-Mail Advice


Dr. Irene,
First, I would like to thank you for this wonderful website.  It has been a blessing to many people.  The information you have given has been very beneficial to me.  However, I do have a comment regarding the Email advice you gave to, "I feel guilty for getting a restraining order."  You told this woman that it is OK to date people while you are separated. No. I should have been clearer.  I feel that it is totally wrong to date while you are separated.  Why be married if you can still date other people?  If people want to date then they should divorce. Maybe if we all took our wedding vows seriously then more marriages would be saved.  Honor and respect for our spouses as well as for ourselves goes along way in preserving marriages.  I am separated from my husband.  I do not feel in any way ready to date other people even if we were divorced right now. 

I am working  on myself, my recovery from an abusive marriage. Wouldn't I just be asking for trouble if I went out and started dating? YES! YES! YES! HELLO.  Separation is separation not divorce.  If more people kept those standards maybe this country wouldn't be talking about infidelity and adultery as much.  Dating  others while married is just adding more pain, more trouble and more heartache.  YES!  YES! YES! And what kind of an example would that be for children?  Yes, I am a Christian with strong morals and beliefs.  This world is in dire need of morals. YES!  Oh well, I am rambling on. Keep rambling; I like it.  I think you get the message.  Keep up the good work!!  99% of what you say I totally agree with.       Thank you, Carolyn

P.S. Thank you for adding the God Help Us! support group.  It's great.  I hope others will join us. Me too! 

I am very happy to provide a venue for those, regardless of lifestyle, race, religion, sex, sexual orientation, belief system, etc., working on becoming their best selves. My hope is to enable individuals to take responsibility for their lives. My requirement is that no one individual or group lay blame on another without taking responsibility for their part. 

Dear Carolyn,

Regarding "I Feel Guilty For Getting A Restraining Order":

Please don't misunderstand what I advised. I did not advise this woman on dating at all!   My comment refers to my position that she owes her estranged  but controlling husband absolutely no explanations - this is regardless of what she chooses to do.

Dating is an issue that was not addressed. By the way, I fully agree with your comments. I would advise she not date at present given the added emotional "stuff" she is likely to experience - which she clearly does not need now, as you wisely point out.

Regarding marriage: I agree that marriage is a sacred union that is taken entirely too lightly. However, I draw the line at abuse, addiction, and adultery. 

Thank you for your input and for taking the time to respond.   -Dr. Irene

Read the "I feel guilty" lady's reply to this!