Comments for Narcissists, Love & Healing

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B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, March 15, 2001

S1

are you saying that narcisits are incapable of missing someone when that preson is not around or has abandoned the narcisits? when abandoned do narcisits tend to crave or miss the supply or the source of the supply? are you saying that narcissits are "users and abusers for personal gain." when you say that no narcicists goes to therapy to improve their interpersonal relationships with others, but to alleviate what has become intolerable pain, is it fair to say that narcisits are fully aware of their own pain, yet are unable to validate the pain they've inflicted on others?

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, April 01, 2001

S1

Hey hang on a minute (just posted on 4) My husband isn't as bad as THIS. Actually also he has had the crises now in the last year so maybe there is hope? Jay

B1: Submit
Date: Sunday, January 06, 2002

S1

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 23, 2002

S1

This is the most amazing stuff I have ever read!! I am blinded by the light! Not only do the articles on NPD seem to describe someone I have been involved with to a large degree, but the process also describes ME and what I am doing and going through to a large degree. I am totally amazed as I have been looking for answers since he first made contact with me. The thing that was real confusing though, was his statements that he felt inadequate in bed and most of his connections seemed to be emotional. He is a very intellectual person so I am not sure how all that fits together.

The odd thing is that if someone else had not pointed me in this direction I'd NEVER have thought it possible of that particular person due to his comments about feeling inferior other than in an intellectual sense. The only other thing I'd say is that I think he gave me deliberate clues along the way, not to what he was hiding but to show me that he had some slender thread to reality. I eventually picked up on them and I hope they lead him to that small window of opportunity where he can be helped. They may not and I think I am alright with that as I could only do what was in my power to make that happen. What is in the hands of others is in the hands of others.

I guess now I should concentrate on myself now that I finally have this PUZZLE sorted out. It took a lot of my time to figure it out and it was sitting here in these pages all along. Now I can figure me out!

Venus

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, November 19, 2002

S1

A response to the first post on this thread: It is my belief (from my own experience) that someone with narcissistic traits is *capable* of missing someone, if they listened to their real self. Otherwise, they reject the idea of missing someone as weakness. They believe missing someone is indicative of human weakness. My ex-BPD/NPD refused to miss me. She said she didn't want to go there. If I told her I missed her, she regarded me with contempt. "I miss you," to me, is a way of saying to another person how much they mean to you, that you can appreciate them when they are not around, that you are excited to see them again. To a narcissist, this is perceived as threatening. They won't miss you back. As a matter of fact, the first time I told my ex that I missed her, her response was "No, you don't."

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, December 31, 2002

S1

My husband went away recently .......... I refused to allow myself to miss him........ missing someone is painful ...... it takes me to a place where my longing is all consuming and there is no end to the agony until the person has returned ......... it feels very unhealthy and it serves absolutely no purpose at all......(dysfunctional) My husband told me on the phone that he really missed me ...... in fact that he was missing me so much he wanted to abandon his project and come home.......... now i thought this was REALLY STRANGE ...becuase when he is HERE with me he is so emotionally distant that I miss having any kind of emotional connection with him (or anyone).... that is really painful...he is right there in the same room as me......... and it seems as though he is so distant.....I just cant 'feel' him or 'reach' him........ unless we have a huge row..which we do very frequently after one of my attempts to communicate with him ........... I guess I am writing this because it seems to me that not missing someone isn't necesseraly a sign of a personality dissorder......it may just be a persons way of coping with the fact that they really do miss you..... I learned to 'not miss' when i was a child and my mother left home on a number of occassions ........ it was much easier on me not to 'go there' ......... but it didn't mean that I wasn't pleased to see her back ...... It is difficult to see the distinction between the narcissist and the victim at times.......(reading and realting the stuff on this sight) ....perhaps we are all narcissist ......it just varies in degree!!!!!!

B1: Submit
Date: Thursday, February 06, 2003

S1

If this is true for my 17 year old daughter, where was the abuse and how do we create a life crisis. Lo

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, April 15, 2003

S1

I think i have been with a narcissist for about a year. He has all the symptoms. I think i maybe a little narcissistic myself. How do i know really if i am?

B1: Submit
Date: Tuesday, May 13, 2003

S1

Yes ... I don't understand what narcissistic defense is. Could you elaborate more?