those who appreciate a precise, technical and comprehensive how-to,
Ellis (the founder of modern cognitive psychology!) et al.'s
How to Control Your Anger Before it Controls You
Ellis and Lange's
How To Keep People From Pushing Your Buttons, a great book, less
technical than the one above. Teaches realistic, specific skills to keep
people from driving you crazy!
Dr. Albert Ellis'
How to Make Yourself Happy and Remarkably Less Disturbable Like his
other books, this renowned author teaches you his systematic techniques
to living a fully, calmer life.
Change Your Life Now: Powerful Techniques for Positive Change
Knaus & Ellis. Another one of the cognitive therapy books that teaches
you to apply more adaptive cognitive skills to a host of problem areas.
For Christians seeking a biblical perspective in managing
The Other Side of Love, Handling Anger in A Godly Way by Gary
Chapman is excellent. This book is for the angry person and those who
deal with angry people.
Anger is a signal that something is wrong. Learn to recognize and deal
with your anger with Harriet Lerner's
The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing The Patterns of Intimate
How to Forgive When you Can't Forget: Healing Our Personal Relationships"
by Charles Klein. Helps the hurt woman move beyond pain and mistrust.
Boundary Power : How I Treat You, How I Let You Treat Me, How I Treat
by Mike S. O'Neil & Charles E., Jr. Newbold
Better Boundaries : Owning and Treasuring Your Life
by Jan Black and
Living in the Comfort Zone : The Gift of Boundaries in Relationships
by Rokelle Lerner.
Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin
Katherine. This is a wonderful little book. Easy to read, packed with
info you need to know. Did you ever walk away from a conversation
Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting, and Enjoying the Self.
Charles L. Whitfield, MD. Another excellent book on boundaries.
Addictive Relationships : Reclaiming Your Boundaries. Excellent!
Love by Craig Buck. A step-by-step guide to a healthy relationship.
Cloud & Townsend's
Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your
Life Another MUST if you can deal
with a Religious-Christian perspective. Understand where you end
and the other person begins - and where your responsibility
begins and ends.
Cloud & Townsend's
Boundaries in Marriage See above.
Codependency. Dating & Love Addiction:
Facing Codependence : What It Is, Where It Comes From, How It Sabotages
by Pia Mellody. An
book on codependency of all types.
Facing Love Addiction : Giving
Yourself the Power to Change the Way You Love --The Love Connection to
by Pia Mellody, et al. All about love addiction.
A favorite book on the topic.
Addiction to Love : Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships.
Especially good for love addicts. Another favorite.
Susan Peabody's newest book, The Art of Changing: Your path to a better life.
Sensitive and inspiring.
Melody Beattie's classic bestseller,
Codependent No More: How To Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for
Yourself. The book on codependency as far as I'm concerned.
Focuses on codependence to alcoholism, but is applicable to any disorder
in the home (e.g., anger, depression, etc.).
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman's Guide to
Holding Her Own in a Relationship by
Sherry Argov. Stop being
"too nice" and start winning!
He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to
by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Clear and upbeat this little gem was
written by two Sex and the City staff.
Red Flags!: How to Know When You're
Dating a Loser by Gary Aumiller & Daniel Goldfarb. These psychologists
want to help women spot a problem guy early on in the relationship.
Melody Beattie's wonderful follow-up,
Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All The Time. Without a
doubt, she's one of my favorite authors.
The Language of Letting Go,
by Melody Beatty. On trusting
The Language of Letting Go audiotape
by Melody Beatty: Guided imagery on learning to trust yourself...
Adult Children: The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families
by Friel and
Friel. Read this book and you will understand why you are as suffering
from depression, anxiety, addiction, etc.
Until Today! : Daily Devotions for Spiritual Growth and Peace of Mind
by Iyanla Vanzant. An inspirational book.
Love Is a Choice : Recovery for Codependent Relationships
Meier, and Minirth en stages of recovery.
Verbal abuse and addiction go
hand in hand. Many abusive
types as well as their codependent partners are victims of one or more
of the various addictions. While 12-Step programs work, too many
addicted individuals get stuck in "the rooms," forever...
Powerfully Recovered! A Confirmed 12-Stepper Challenges the Movement
by Anne Wayman is the first book I've ever seen that addresses the myth
of permanent being-in-recovery. Thanks Anne!
Powerfully recovered website
Mindfulness / Paying Attentionn:
A good introduction to mindfulness.
and do less - so when you choose to act, you are more likely to
come from a position of wisdom and purpose.
Wherever You Go, There You Are : Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life
by Jon Kabat-Zinn.
Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of
Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness
by Jon Kabat-Zinn. One of my
favorite authors does it again...
Anything written by this
Buddhist Vietnamese monk is Powerful!
The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh is a good place to
learn how to live in the here and now - so you can direct your
life rather than have life direct you.
Thich Nhat Hanh. What a book! Did he write it especially
for those of us on this site? (Giggle!)
Marital & Relationship:
Making Intimate Connections : Seven Guidelines for Great Relationships
and Better Communication
by Albert Ellis and Ted Crawford.
Practical, straightforward, easy to follow tips to a better
Love Is Never Enough : How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings,
Resolve Conflicts, and Solve Relationship Problems Through Cognitive
by Aaron T., M.D. Beck. By one of the best authors I know, one of the founders of cognitive psychology.
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
by Dr. John Gottman and Nan Silver.
This individual's acclaimed research leads him to predict which
marriages will make it with 91% accuracy. Blows away communications
The Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work
by Dr. John Gottman and
Nan Silver. A research-based book shatters myths about what makes
marriage work - or fail.
Love Must be Tough: Straight Talk
by Dr. Kevin Dobson. Read this book if you are a
couple in any type of marital crisis or an individual contemplating
marriage or divorce. Christian-based perspective.
For help in keeping your
marriage together, look at
Busting' by Michele Weiner-Davis. Stuff one person can do - can
The Journey From Abandoment
to Healing: Surviving Through - and Recovering From - the five
stages that accompany the loss of love
by Susan Anderson. To help you deal
with current or past losses...
Letting Go: A 12-Week Personal Action Program To Overcome a Broken Heart
by Wanderer & Cabot. A step-by-step guide.
How To Fall Out of Love
by Phillips and Judd. Excellent. A practical
Dance of Intimacy : A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key
Relationships by Harriet Lerner
suggests specific changes to improve good relationships or heal bad
Men Don't Listen. They do listen; they don't feel! This wonderful,
well-written book will clearly help men understand what they don't
understand, and will help women understand what they don't understand
about their guy.
If The Buddha Dated, a little book jam packed with wisdom -
Can't figure out if you should work at or leave your relationship? Read
this excellent, best selling step-by-step practical guide by Mira
Too Good To Leave; Too Bad To Stay: A Step-by-step Guide to Help You
Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship.
Our Love is Too Good To Feel So Bad: The 10 Prescriptions to Heal Your
Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum. "This is an excellent
book the identifies 10 prescriptions to heal your relationship!"
In the Meantime: Finding Yourself and the Love You Want
by Iyanla Vanzant. How to prepare yourself - clean
out your "house" - while you wait for the relationship you want.
Emotional Unavailability: Recognizing It, Understanding It, And Avoiding
by Bryn Collins. Ever want to know about those
relationships that leave you feeling empty inside? Look here.
Living With the Passive-Aggressive Man : Coping With Personality
Syndrome of Hidden Aggression-From the Bedroom to the Boardroom
Scott Wetzler. Not just about men; change the "he-she's" and you will
clearly understand how these people think.
Are You The One For Me?
By Barbara DeAngelis. This book answers the question, "Is my partner
right for me? Or, is there a fatal flaw?"
Men Who Can't Love
by Carter & Sokol. Helps you understand why men often pull back as they
approach commitment. Fear, fear, fear!
He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding The Hidden Fears
That Sabotage Your Relationships
by Carter & Sokol. The title is
self-explanatory; the book makes it clear.
Getting The Love You Want: A Guide For Couples. Great book; one
I prescribe all the time. Describes how each partner holds the key to
the other's growth. Lots of exercises.
Family & Parenting:
7 Habits of Highly Effective Families : Building a Beautiful Family
Culture in a Turbulent World by Stephen R. Covey, Sandra Merrill
Covey. Another excellent, excellent book with a spiritual approach.
Kid Cooperation : How to Stop Yelling, Nagging and Pleading and Get Kids
by Elizabeth Pantley. Another winner!
yelling at your kids! They will only be angry and resentful. Canter &
Assertive Discipline for Children is a straight forward
"how to" parenting skills book. I got this title from a school counselor
years ago and have been recommending it since.
Years : A Troubleshooting Guide for Parents of Children Aged 3 to 8
by Carolyn Webster-Stratton. Simply useful!
Cutting Loose: Why Women Who End Their Marriages Do So Well
by Ashton Applewhite. Stories of happily divorced women...
Our Turn: Women Who Triumph in the Face of Divorce
by Hayes, Blau, and Anderson. Women leaving unhappy marriages - even
if they were the ones who were left!
Taking the High Road: How to Cope With Your Ex-Husband, Maintain Your
Sanity, and Raise Your Child in Peace
by Nailah Shami. Don't stoop to his level! Wise advice on how to
negotiate him - no matter how crazy he is - and keep your sanity in the
clearest description of the underlying thinking inherent in the various
personality disorders is found in Beck & Freeman et al.
Cognitive Therapy of Personality Disorders.
cognitive-behavioral perspective, Marsha Linehan's
Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder
(Diagnosis and Treatment of Mental Disorders)
is excellent. This
academically well-known and well-respected clinician-researcher's book
focuses on treatment vs. etiology and educates the reader to the
tasks the BPD-afflicted individual faces. No psychobabble.
For abused guys especially:
The Courtship Dance of the Borderline
by Anthony Walker, MD. The author writes about his brief marriage to a
charmingly manipulative woman. Reads like a novel you can't put down while
articulating the dance of the BPD woman and a mesmerized, aspiring
psychiatrist. Through his love, she began to heal, but this marriage
nearly destroyed his life.
An excellent title from an excellent
author, Dr. Albert Ellis'
How To Live With A Neurotic.
Excellent! Teaches very powerful cognitive techniques that can help you
change your life.
I Hate You, Don't Leave Me
by Kriesman et al. will help you understand the disorder and how to cope
if you have a BPD-afflicted loved one.
Stop Walking on Eggshells; Coping When Someone You Love Has BPD
Mason et al. Excellent book.
From a Reader:
Why is it Always about You?: Saving
Yourself from the Narcissists in Your Life
by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW
(2002) This book is very accessible for the lay reader, and gave me a lot
of new insight about my narcissistic verbally abusive husband. I've read a
lot on both subjects, and this book helped a few more pieces fall into
A Reader writes:
"The sex addiction issue is addressed very nicely in the book
Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search For Love and Power by Charlotte
Davis Kasl. She considers the partner as well as the addict.
There is a graph on page 318 that compares sex connection vs. affection
connection in a relationship. It is extremely accurate in my former
Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous: The Basic Text for the Augustine
Fellowship, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous.
This is "The Big Book."
Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict
by Patrick Carnes Excellent book.
Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction
Carnes. Excellent book. A must read for sex addicts.